PAOLA DE RAMOS

Goodbye

I don’t know how to say that. I am really sorry. I tried everything to stay with you. But I don’t know. I think you don’t love me, I think you never had loved me, you don’t want me. Maybe it is my fault. Maybe I should have done more. I should have tried harder. I think I didn’t do everything that I could have done to stay with you, to live with you. Why you don’t understand me? What I need to do for you to understand me? I need to stop to do that. You always make me to think that it is my fault. I have done that for four years, it is enough. I am leaving. In the beginning, I thought that you were like that because you had some relationship problems on the past; that you had a broken heart or family dilemma. I even liked your mysterious way. I thought that it was sexy. I loved everything, your shyness, your rational way, even your coldness. I thought that time by time, slowly, I would reach you, I would understand you. Initially, I didn’t mind if you didn’t understand me. I even changed my way of speak, my clothes and even my way of live, I changed myself. I changed, maybe changes weren’t enough. More that I changed, more emptiness I felt, more unwanted, more lost. Never was it enough. I believed by pleasing you, you would like me; by liking me you would understand me. But you never understood me, probably, you never going to. You just always wanted more and more. You never asked my limits, how was I, if I was feeling lonely, if I need company. I have never felt so lonely in my life. Our relationship, never was a relationship, it was always more you taking than I receiving. But now it is enough, I am leaving. I cannot stand you taking anymore. I am not going to wait you drag me in your coldness and be like you.
London, goodbye.